


Confessions of a lovesick teenager

by OnlyMyThoughtsForCompany



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, I apologise, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Angst, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, Pining, Pining Remus Lupin, Pining Sirius Black, Swearing, Would these boys please just communicate, i still don't know how to tag, i'm usually better than this, so much pining, summary is so shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9823472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyMyThoughtsForCompany/pseuds/OnlyMyThoughtsForCompany
Summary: Sirius and Remus are both pining for each other and end up accidentally confessing to their friends.Or the one where everyone sucks at communication.





	

Something was troubling James Potter to say the least. Something had been gnawing at him all holidays and so he had made good use of the emptiness of Gryffindor tower to ponder on it. Christmas had come and gone, the presents had all been opened, the paper cleared away and there were only a few days left until the business of Hogwarts returned with the wash of returning students, Quidditch and classes. James Fleamont Potter was determined to work out what bothering his best friend, one Sirius Orion Black before he lost the chance.

All holidays Sirius had been withdrawn and quiet. Usually they would capitalise on the distracted teachers and wreak havoc on those left in the castle, or they would fill the long days planning elaborate pranks for when the term resumed but Sirius had been unusually morose, choosing to spend his days wandering the grounds or even worse shut up alone in the dorm. Even as James thought about it, he concluded that Sirius had been acting differently all year, ever since they had come back from the summer holidays. It was just little things that the raven haired boy had noticed, less hexing of people, pranks that weren’t any less fun but a marginally safer. He was growing up, James realised with an odd jolt and for a brief moment worried that he might be left behind. He quickly dismissed that thought pretty quickly, they were brothers for christ sake and if a little growing up was what he needed to do to keep up, then so be it. It wasn’t just that either though, James realised. Sirius had been on a suspicious lack of dates this year so far and for the notorious player, going a week without a date was unheard of let alone a full term.

And then the Christmas holidays had hit, and only the three of them were left in the dormitory. Peter had gone home for the holidays, along with most of Gryffindor leaving Sirius and James, the Potter’s being on a holiday abroad, Remus who was going home for Easter and Lily who was on the outs with her sister again all remaining in the tower. Sirius had retreated within himself from almost the minute term had ended, spending increasing amounts of time on his own rather than with his friends. James had let it happen, chosen to give his friend space to work through whatever problems had been plaguing him but enough was enough. It was time to go find out what was wrong.

With his new resolution in mind, he jumped to his feet and left the deserted dormitory, bounding down the stone stairs in search of his mate. He took the final step into the common room and his eyes immediately fell on the figure curled up in front of the fire, the wild, unrestrained hair marking him as James’ best friend. He was so absorbed by the flickering flames that he didn’t notice James until he had sunk to the floor beside him.

* * *

Lily Evans was staring at Remus Lupin. In fact she was staring at him so intensely that it was surprising that Remus remained oblivious. The redheaded girl was determined to figure out what was wrong with her friend, who been acting oddly for weeks now. The werewolf in question was lost in thought, staring into space, his quill poised over the parchment, dripping splotches of ink onto the pristine paper as it had been for the past five minutes. This had been happening on and off the entire day. The two Gryffindor’s had gotten the idea to get together and finish off any left over homework before the term resumed.

Not much had gotten done however, Remus having been distracted all day, alternating between making slow progress on his numerous essays and daydreaming. Something was obviously troubling him and Lily, with her iron will, was committed to finding out what and resolving it. If only so they both didn’t get detention for the uncompleted homework.

“Remus?” she called softly, aware of the spindly figure of Madam Pince prowling around, ready to defend her precious books. Lily received no response from the boy.

“Remus,” she called a little louder casting an anxious glance over her shoulder.

When remained motionless with his gaze focussed on the grain of the desk, she tried one more time, leaning over the desk to seize his wrist.

“Remus!” she hissed. The sudden pressure on his skin jerked the werewolf from his trance and looked up at his friend worriedly.

“What’s wrong?”

She gaped at him in astonishment for a moment before finding her her voice again. “What’s wrong with me? You were the one daydreaming. Again.”

A sheepish smile graced his face. “Was I?”

“Yes. What has been going through your head lately?”

The smile on Remus’ face grew troubled and his gaze drifted away from Lily and towards the abundance of books heaped on the shelves.

* * *

“Come one, mate. I know something’s wrong.” James pleaded with an unresponsive Sirius, dealing with his profile rather than his face which was turned determinedly towards the fire.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sirius finally replied and it was the first thing he’d said since James sat down so he’s calling it a step in the right direction.

“Oh come on,” James snorted. “Padfoot, this is me remember.”

“I’m serious Prongs,” Sirius said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just been...thinking a lot over the holidays.”

“Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.” When the joke did nothing to relieve the deep frown on Sirius’ face, James leaned in further to study his friend. “Mate, maybe you just need to get laid or something. You know really get out of your head. It has been a long time-”

“No!” Sirius cut him off so decisively and whirled to face him so suddenly that his friend jolted slightly.

Then slowly a grin emerged on James' face. Sirius knowing what the look meant hurriedly turned back to the fire.

“You like someone don’t you.”

Sirius’ mouth dropped open for a second before he answered blandly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

James wasn’t listening. “You like someone,” he said in a stunned voice, more to himself than his friend. He shook his head in amazement. “Never thought I would see the day.”

* * *

“Remus, you have to tell me.” Lily inwardly winced at the whine in her voice, but didn’t retract her comment.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Remus replied briskly, tearing through pages in his textbook.

“Oh, don’t give me that. You’ve been acting weird for weeks now.”

“Have not,” Remus countered, all too aware that he sounded like a child.

“Oh yeah?” Lily taunted. “What did we learn in History of Magic, last day of term?” she challenged with a raise of her perfectly plucked eyebrows.

Remus sat there stumped, trying to cast his mind back to the lesson. And he could remember it well, the only problem being that he hadn’t been paying attention to the lecture but rather the back of a certain someone’s head.

Lily nodded in satisfaction at the lost expression on her friends face. “We were learning about the Goblin Rebellion of 1612, not that you would know since you spent the lesson off with the fairies.”

Remus smiled fondly at the muggle expression knowing that if Sirius or James were with them they’d be on their feet and looking for the winged pests in a heartbeat.

“So what’s been going on with you? Daydreaming about your secret crush?” she joked with a soft chuckle, glancing down at the unfinished essay. Remus’ silence spoke volumes to Lily and her head snapped up to take in the expression that solidified what she already suspected. “Oh my god, Remus Lupin actually likes someone.” She have a stunned sort of giggle at the end of her announcement.

“I, I…” Remus trailed off uncertainly.

Lily squealed with excitement, ignoring the sharp shush it prompted from the nearby patrolling librarian and immediately tried to guess who it was. “Oh my god, is it Mary Macdonald? I saw you two hanging out the other day. Or maybe Dorcas Meadowes, she’s only a year older,” Lily mused.

Remus shoved his books into a haphazard pile, rolled up his essay mindless of the still drying ink and gathered it all in his arms, swinging his bag over his shoulder as an afterthought, not taking the usual care with his things.

“Come on Remus. Stay, talk to me about this,” Lily begged, a pout fixed on her lips. “Just tell me who she is.”

“I can’t,” Remus hissed and stumbled to his feet. “Because… because it’s not a she.”

Lily’s mouth dropped open and the werewolf used her momentary shock to his advantage and hurried for the door of the library. Unfortunately, for him at least, he and Lily had chosen a table right at the back and he had to wade through countless other tables and packed shelves to get to the entrance. Even more unfortunately, Lily got over her shock pretty quickly and sprang into action, gripping his wrist and hauling him back towards the table.

“Lily,” he groaned but allowed himself to be pulled back to the table. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“But how could you not tell me before this. We’ve been friends since second year.”

“This isn’t something that you just decide one day,” Remus reminded her with a wry smile. “Besides I didn’t even really know for sure until these holidays. And then there was no good time to tell you.”

“I know, I know but…” Lily trailed off with a shake of her head.

“You don’t mind do you?” Remus asked, suddenly worried.

“God Remus.” Lily grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “Of course I don’t mind. I just don’t know how I missed it. I usually have awesome gaydar,” Lily said with a frown.

  
Remus groaned and dropped his head into a free hand.

* * *

“How are you ok with this?” Sirius was staring at James as though he had just told him that he was secretly having an affair with a goat. James leant back on his hands, stretching out his stiff body and surveying his friend calmly.

“So you have feelings for a guy. I don’t get what the problem is. You’ve done it before?”

“Woah, woah, _woah_ ,” Sirius said, holding his hands up in a surrender motion. “I’ve fooled around with guys before, but hasn’t everyone.” Judging by James’ expression, not everyone experiments with their sexuality. “Whatever. But this time I’m talking full on feelings, like I want a relationship.”

“And I reiterate, what’s the big deal?”

Sirius goggled at him, eyes round and mouth open wide enough that James could see his tonsils. “Because it makes me a poof,” he finally managed to get out, voice strangled. “We’re talking about me being a shirtlifter. Me liking it up the ass. Me-”

“I really didn’t need to know that,” James said with a wrinkled nose. “But who cares? I mean if it makes you happy.” James punctuated his statement with an unconcerned shrug. “Besides, I already knew.”

“You did not.”

“I did.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me!”

“I was waiting to see how long it took you to figure it out.”

Sirius coughed a subdued “arsehole” into the fire but was unable to contain his grin.

“So who is the lucky guy.”

“Ha, forget it.”

* * *

“You have to tell me,” Lily insisted. She was pleading with an unresponsive Remus who was back to focussing on his charms essay. She knew she must have part of his attention however because he’d been reading the same page for five minutes and hadn’t written a single word.

“I do not,” Remus replied shortly.

“Oh, come on,” Lily said. “Ok, what if I guess. Will you tell me then?”

Remus thought about it for a long moment and finally nodded reluctantly, swayed by the doe eyes Lily was sending his way.

 _Ok, you’ve got this,_ Lily coached herself internally. _You can figure this out. You’ve only been friends with him for the past four years._

“Well it’s not James, you’re not that stupid. It’s not Peter- sweet mother of God tell me it’s not Peter.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “As much as I love the boy, of course it’s not Peter.”

Lily shrugged. “The heart wants what it wants.”

Remus scoffed and flipped the page of his textbook.

“Fabien or Gideon?” she tried but received a firm head shake in response. “Frank?” A hum to the negative. “Come on give me a hint?” she pleaded, sticking her lower lip out in a pout she knew Remus couldn’t resist and sure enough he acquiesced with a sigh.

“I spend a lot of time with him. He’s really funny and deceptively smart. He doesn’t have the best home life but he’s the most loyal person I know, almost like a dog.” Lily lifted an eyebrow at the amusement colouring the words but Remus quickly moved on. “And that’s all I’m telling you.”

“But that’s practically nothing,” Lily complained burying her head in her folded arms. What was the point of getting nearly a perfect score on her O.W.L’s if she couldn’t work out who her best friend had the hots for?

Slowly she mulled over the tidbits of information he had allowed. Remus spends time with him; well that have her practically nothing. Remus wasn’t the obviously popular type like James or Sirius but everyone liked him and his two best friends were the most popular guys in school so he was surrounded by people more often than not. Funny wasn’t much of an identifier either. Lily could name over a dozen ‘funny’ guys and that was in their grade alone; Remus hadn’t specified that the guy he liked was even in 6th year. Besides her definition of funny was very different to his, if his choice of friends was anything to go by. Deceptively smart was a little better but still deceptively meant misleading so it wasn’t like she’d know either way. Lily slowly turned the next bit of information over in her mind, not the best home life… but fiercely loyal. Her entire body froze as a thought struck her.

Remus hadn’t said he just spent time with the guy but that he spent _a lot_ of time with him. There was only three people that Remus spent a lot of time with besides her and she’d already ruled out two of them. The third was one she knew Remus thought was funny and who got perfect marks despite his devil-may-care attitude, who’s ‘not so good home life’ had lead him to be disowned this very year but who was still fiercely loyal to and protective of his friends.

Lily slowly pulled herself upright, eyes staring across the abandoned library. Remus chuckled, eyes never leaving his essay, amused and reassured that Lily had given up trying to guess.

“Worked it out yet?” he teased.

The sound of his voice jolted her out of her reverie and she whipped a hand out to clench around his wrist her intensity wiping the smile from Remus’ face.

“I know who it is.”

* * *

“And he’s so smart,” Sirius moaned, drawing out the ‘o’ until the word was five times its original length. “I mean he always complains about how I don’t have to study to get good marks but he’s so much smarter than I am. Than I’ll ever be.”

“Uh huh,” James murmured back.

As far as Sirius’ dramatic episodes go this is pretty good, sprawled on the floor with his head pillowed on James’ knee as it was.

Sirius’ refusal to say a name hadn’t stopped him from waxing lyrical about this mystery man and about how Sirius didn’t deserve him for the better part of an hour. James was slowly growing restless with the meltdown but still interested enough to latch onto every bit of information as it was revealed.

“And he’s so pretty, gorgeous really, like the sunset,” he whine and James nearly drew the line there, wanting to slap his friend out of the trance he was in. But this was his best friend, the same who had listened to him rant about one Lily Evans and the glorious colour of her eyes and silky texture of her hair so James shut up, renewed his focus on the infuriatingly vague details Sirius was tossing his way and wondered if it was worth summoning the bottle of firewhiskey stashed under his bed.

On the floor Sirius was growing more distressed, voice growing harder and all thoughts of firewhiskey vanished from James’ mind.

“I mean he’s so perfect, but he just doesn’t see it,” Sirius growled and raked a hand through his tangled hair. “I mean who cares if he’s a fucking werewolf.”

There was a beat of absolute silence, where even the crackling fire seemed to stop moving. Then Sirius bolted upright, mumbling under his breath while a gleeful expression appeared on James’ face. Sirius buried his face in his hands, muttering a now muffled litany of “oh shit” into his palms, effectively hiding his face from his elated best friend. Said best friend who leapt to his feet and danced around the common room while Sirius cursed his very existence.

“Sirius likes Remus. Padfoot likes Moony,” James sang jubilantly to the empty room.

* * *

“Seriously, Remus,” Lily groaned, watching her friend’s sheepish smile with a fond sort of exasperation. “Sirius. Out of everyone, you had to like Sirius. The most juvenile boy in our grade?”

  
“What about James?” Remus countered with a small smile. “Besides what was it that you said.” The werewolf tapped a finger to his lip, pretending to think hard. “‘The heart wants what it wants?’ Was that not what you were telling me fifteen minutes ago?”

Lily groaned into her hands but had to admit that he had a point. “I guess I’ll get used to him eventually. Once you tell him how you feel.”

Remus’ face fell so quickly that Lily had to blink to be sure that she was seeing right.

“No.”

* * *

“I don’t see why this is such a problem,” James panted, finished with his circuit around the common room and sprawled back on the floor. “You tell him how you feel, our dear Moony swoons in your arms and you both live happily ever-”

“Not, not happening. Not in this lifetime,” Sirius cut in, looking at James like he was crazy. “I’m never going to tell him. You’re not going to tell him. He’s never going to know about this, I’ll be doomed to eternal bachelorhood, watching as he marries some bird and pops out a couple of Remus Juniors,” he finished, staring moodily into the fire over his bent knees.

It this had been any other time James might have commented on Sirius; ridiculous dramatics. But he was too busy taking his turn to look at Sirius like he was the crazy one. “What are you on about, mate? Why wouldn’t you tell Moony how you feel? It’ll be fine. Why would he have a problem with-”

* * *

Remus scribbled furiously at his parchment, probably doing more wreckage than actual work but unable to care while Lily gaped at him like he’d taken a turn off the deep end.

“Remus,” she said carefully. “You’ve got to tell him.”

“And lose the best friend I’ve ever had? Not likely.”

“You can’t honestly think he’d have a problem-”

“No he won’t have a problem with me liking boys. But you can’t honestly think he’d feel the same way and then things would just be awkward and I can’t lose him. I’d rather have him like this than not at all.”

“But how can you be so sure-”

* * *

“Because Moony likes girls,” Sirius exploded, his voice reverberating around the empty common room.

* * *

“Because Padfoot likes girls,” Remus moaned, his voice a harsh whisper destined only for Lily’s ears.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this since July 2015 which is just embarrassing so yay for me for finally finishing this. Hope you guys liked it, hmu with a comment to tell me what you thought. Thanks :)


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